Do These Things Bother You?
There are things that should bother everybody. There isn't a particular reason; they should just flat out bother you. First, have you ever pondered how a mermaid breathes? Since a mermaid can breathe in and out of water, it has to have lungs and gills. That means that it has to have a way to will one shut and the other closed, or it would be half-suffocating all the time.
Next, the going away party. It literally sends the message "Hey, you're going away, so we're going to have this big party to celebrate." Is that not messed up?
Those things should legitimately bother every person.
-Shmabab Kellkon
Jimmy Rollins invites Cat to a Dodgers game; gives her seats in the dugout
Jimmy Rollins, arguably the best shortstop in Phillies history. Cat Anderson, pretty much average twelve year old girl. A week ago, Rollins gave Cat a tour of the Dodgers clubhouse, and he took a liking to her. And what do millionaires do to those they like? They give them dugout tickets to a Dodgers game. And that's what Jimmy Rollins did for Cat.
A week after their visit with each other, Rollins sent Cat tickets to a Dodgers game, and with the tickets was a letter for Cat. "Cat, I would like you to have dugout seats. Bring this note to the front door, and you're cleared," said the note.
Could anyone decline such an offer? Probably not, and Cat is most likely a human, so she could not decline such a wonderful offer. No way Hosea.
-Sreg Dod
Mutant potato chips planning to overthrow human race
When you throw away the remains of that bag of Lay's potato chips, those crumbs mean nothing to you. Why would they, anyway? They're just a bunch of crumbs. Life would be so much better if that were true.
When that bag of potato chips goes into the trash, the little crumbs join together and form violent, mutant potato chips. Then, after you go to bed or leave the house, they climb out of that innocent yellow bag and leave your house. They climb into the gutters and meet. They meet, and plot.
This has been going on for ten years, and now, you're going to start to notice it.
Tens of thousands have gathered over these ten years, and now they want to overthrow the human race. We dared to interview their ringleader Pihc Otatop, and several of us died, but I prevailed. "We want to overthrow you guys, cause honestly, you're doing it all wrong. It's our turn," he said. Mr. Otatop is very vicious, and to be feared by all.
It is doubtful that humans will last this planned attack; our weapons are no match for their laser pretzel rods. None at all.
-Ecar Namuh
Band of baby elephants steal peanut butter from Giant
Baby elephants. Those cute little things we love to stare at in the zoos are not so cute after all. On Thursday, a small band of baby elephants broke into Giant and stole thousands of dollars worth of Jiffy, Skippy, and any other brand you can think of. They took crunchy and smooth, organic and non-organic.
It happened around midnight, and we asked some people what they saw. Jillian Marco Polo said, "They were just there, stomping through Giant, taking that butter with their trunks."
Why would they do this? It's a well none fact that elephants are nuts about peanuts, so maybe they wanted to try the latest variation.
At noon the next day, the baby elephants, Stnah, Pele, and Ybab, were seen munching on their new snacks.
-Rettub Tuneap
Hair is really evil spirits hanging off your body
You spend hours brushing it and grooming it, and you didn't even know the truth. Hair is actually a bunch of evil spirits hanging off your body. The prettier and silkier, the more evil.
When somebody dies, the doctor diagnoses them with a bunch of random wish wash, when really, it's usually the hair that kills them. Your eyebrows are evil, and so are your leg-hairs.
If you ever wonder why women shave their legs, it's actually because they know that it's so evil. The less hair on your body, the longer you will probably live. If your have no hair on your body, you will live longer than your teenage daughter.
-Stirips Live
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